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Thursday, August 16, 2018

Are you dealing with a psychopath?

The Everyday Manipulator

Have you ever heard the term psychopath and assumed it was a murderer? While this can be true, not all psychopaths are murderers. The terms psychopath, sociopath and antisocial all seem to get jumbled together and can get very confusing. So, for the sake of this article let's stick to Anti Social Personality Disorder (which are those born this way/psychopath).

Someone with antisocial personality disorder/ASPD) could be your best friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, mother, sister, uncle or boss; or your worst nightmare. I know saying this may flatter the ego of an ASPD, but in reality, they need the confidence boost. Inside they are lacking self-worth.

They are around us and most don't realize that we are being manipulated by their charm or wit. Or maybe we are too busy taking care of our responsibilities to realize we are being taken by their tactics. I don't know.
They seem to be so nice and caring; all while knowing the latest gossip and negative things about people.
The people you see them being nice to are the same people they passive-aggressively taking apart and speak derogatorily about when they aren't around.

After some time you must wonder what lies they speak on you when you aren't around. They need to be the center of attention, so they will slander and lie on anyone to gain the accolades they so deeply need.

They seem to be victim time after time, too!

So, let's start with a basic definition as explained by the wonderful DSM:

"Antisocial Personality Disorder:  There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years."


This person has a blatant disregard for others feelings or for right or wrong. Even though they may pretend to be caring and emotional; don't fall for the facade. The whole basis of their being is lying and deceitfulness. They like to "exploit" others and will do anything they can to make that happen.

Here is the short list:

1.Lack of Empathy
2.Using charm or wit to manipulate others to get what they want/ Manipulation for profit or just for pleasure
3. Arrogance and feeling superior to others/Seem to know everything
4. Not thinking about consequences and not learning from bad behaviors/previous mishaps
5.Callous and Irresponsible (Unlike the Narcissist or BPD) 
7. Lack of Remorse (Unlike NPD and BPD)

- They also are critical of others and tend to get into power struggles.-

There are some similarities between those with Antisocial Personality Disorder(ASPD), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD); which is why it can get confusing.

Similarities like NPD and BPD

  • Have been impulsive in at least two areas that are can be damaging to ones self., Examples: spending money, sex, substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, RX), reckless driving, binge eating; to name some.
  • Take advantage of others for their own personal gain
  • Preoccupied with fantasy thinking: unlimited amounts of money, success, beauty or power or perfect love.
  • Inflated self-worth or believing others are envious of them

Those that suffer from this personality disorder are very cunning and manipulative. They have no problem gaining sympathy and if you wrong them, will do everything in their power to expose you of your wrongs ( even if they are made up). They will get back at you by turning others against you.

They can persuade people to give them what they want. Even if you think you are pretty good at knowing when people are manipulating you, you still need to watch out for this sly fox.

What do you do if you have already been sucked in by someone with ASPD? 

1. Stop falling for their manipulation tactics! They may manipulate you to believe others are against you or have wronged you. Or they may convince others that you are the "bad guy". Either way, this person is out for themselves, even if they appear to be helping you. Stop falling into their trap.

2. Create Distance; this way you won't be on their radar.

Create Boundaries   You can't always shut people out of your life; especially if they are a family member. So, creating boundaries is a good place to start. 

Suggest Treatment Someone with ASPD is more than likely not going to get treatment on their own because they don't see this as a problem. Encouraging treatment or even an intervention may help.

Get Treatment for yourself!  If you were/are in a relationship or had close relationship with this person seek treatment. There may be much emotional and possibly physical abuse. You can learn about creating those boundaries and getting your mental health back on track.

Find People Who Support you This is a hard situation for anyone to deal with. The psychological abuse may be deep and you may need others to talk to and confide in.

Take A Step Back If this person is creating you psychological or other turmoil, you may need to get away from them to protect your health. It doesn't matter if they are a family member or spouse; you are important.

If you are a person who thinks you may be suffering from ASPD don't be afraid to seek out treatment. You are NOT alone! Psychotherapy and re-training your brain can help. 

If you know someone with this disorder I would like to hear from you! Please send me a message.

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