Here are some questions to ask yourself:
When you speak to your parent/ parents or spend time with them do you often feel drained or overcome with emotion?
Are you criticized? Either blatantly or passive-aggressively?
Do you catch this person trying to manipulate you?
You feel you have to meet their needs or you will be ignored or shunned?
Do they show anger frequently if you have an opinion different than theirs?
Do they treat you, your significant other, or child(children) differently than other members of the family?- No Respect
Know it all?
Needs to control?
This is just a small list of the possibilities when dealing with a toxic parent.
When kids are growing up they may be able to identify behaviors in their parents that bother them, but being a child they think that their parent's actions and attitudes are typical of all parents.
As the person with the toxic parent gets older they may start to realize something is not right. They feel they are walking on eggshells or have to do things they don't want to do in order to make the toxic parent happy.
It then dawns on you that you felt this way for most of your life. You have had to meet the needs of the toxic parent all while ignoring your own.
Come to Grips
A toxic parent is just that "Toxic". It doesn't matter how much they try and "pretend" they are not toxic- that's just a part of some of the game they may be playing. (Most toxic parents have underlying mental health problems that they need to work on).
Once you realize you are not to blame for all the years of negativity, criticism, emotional abuse, and plain out bad behavior, you will be able to move on. In order to move on you first need to identify the problem and what's happening.
You start to realize everything is on their terms.
You start to think of all the underhanded criticism you have endured. Is this normal? You then think of your friends and their parents and none of them dealt with a parent like you have.. the wheels turn...
Don't let the toxic parent control you anymore. Realize they are this way and you don't have to take the abuse. You are grown and have endured emotional abuse too long already.
Set boundaries!
Dealing with this toxic person may be taking a toll on you or your family. You need to create boundaries. Speak to them on certain days that you know you will be able to handle their emotional drain.
If this doesn't work don't feel bad disconnecting from them until you feel comfortable talking to the person. If you don't ever feel comfortable talking to them, then don't. You don't have to sacrifice yourself for their toxic ways.
We all have a choice to get help if we are having problems and the toxic person can get help, too, they just choose not to. If they are in therapy and you are seeing progress then little changes may be around the corner.
And remember if you have emotional issues from them please seek treatment. You don't want to continue this cycle.
If you haven't had the courage to do it yet -Good Luck- you can do it!
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